Dreams are confusing to me for some odd reason. sometimes there good and you don't want to wake up, and on the other hand they're bad. or possibly both. and that is one of the reasons i don't like sleeping because of the dreams i dream. i don't sleep at all some nights because I'm "scared" of what my head will make up for me. sometimes i wake up and wonder why i dream of horrible things that i don't even think about during that day or the past week or month. and most of the time I'm so exhausted for the next day and don't feel like doing anything but sleep. which is a problem again cause i can't sleep in class or where ever i'm at. and whenever i do get to a decent sleep it makes a huge difference in what I'm going to be doing like school for an example. so my point is obviously i don't sleep often than i really should be.
one example of my sleepless nights is a dream i had last night, and it resulted in me laying in bed until 4 scared so bad that i started imagining certain people in my dream from the shadows in my room. then unable to do anything else i went to my moms room & told her about and crying saying "i hate dreaming". after all that i went back to bed having to think about something that made me laugh and happy i was finally able to go to back to sleep around 6.
but besides all the nightmares there are some pretty nice dreams i like and i wake up wishing the dream would have continued. such as a dream i had about a month ago (i wrote it out because i wanted to remember it) where i was heading home on the bus and all my friends were on it with me and one of my friends sat by me & it was nice. and eating deep red oranges not grapefruits but oranges.. and the dream changed to where i was home. my sister, little cousin brother and i were outside and meteors were falling. and we watched for a long time and the meteors changed to being like we were in space and were watching nebulae being created. it was so beautiful. and i woke up to my alarm. one of the best dreams i've had this year.
xo.
it's funny how when your in a conversation with someone and you get distracted. & you just i guess think of something else. as if your in your own little world. might sound a little crazy but that's what i experienced quite a few times this past week. all I've been thinking about is life after high school and how it's going to change... the choices I'm going to have to make to live in the "real world". like what am i going to do when i need cash? will i ask my mom... most likely she's gonna say "get a job!" or something not as bad as that but still the same idea, in a way. besides that most of my thoughts have been in school which isn't good to be doing but it just happens. for example, thinking about the day before all i did was hang out with some bros & watch them play video games and listen to them having their "nerd talk" about different gaming machines and hard drives... i mean i know what they're talking about but when they start naming the cord names or the size of the hard drive, I'm lost. or when they head outside for a smoke i try to think of something else to do.my thought right now is basically "get some sleep" but i can't sleep. and that's a problem, because i am not a bit tired. & now I'm getting "good morning" texts. which is odd for me cause i sleep in until like 12 on Sundays and get ready, pack my stuff, and off to Chinle by 1. i guess what I'm trying to get at is that i hate mornings, they're just an excuse to stay up all night and wake up at noon to do the same thing over again which is mostly possible during breaks or the summers. although the plus side of mornings are the pretty sunrises and the cool air, pretty lovely.
xo
