I Can, I Am

U.A.B.B.
"City Hall"
And when it looks like there’s no where else to go, there is
When it feels like you’re all alone, you’re not
If you don’t wanna fail, you won’t
If you wanna live, you will
This is the moment that separates you from everyone else
To everyone whose believed in us through the highs and so many lows,
we did it and no one can ever take this away
I am supposed to be here
I was born to be here
I can, I am


This part of a lyric I love, because it reminds me that there is always someone or something that will believe in me. Whether they know me or not, there will always be someone out there who will be by my side and I will never be alone. And the people who have been here for me they will always be.
Though friends and family leave us, we have more family to fall upon and we make more friends than we actually think of. I think that we don’t actually think about the people around us because we’re afraid of opening up to someone we don’t know. But in reality we do it every day, to our friends for example. We will don’t know how much strength we actually have to be able to stand alone in this world. We could but it would be a struggle.
Whether or not you feel alone or stuck, I believe that we all are not in some point in our lives. We will always have someone there for us even when we don’t know it. Like a friend, family member, or girlfriend or boyfriend. We are not alone.

There are so many other reasons I love this song. From the struggle, living, believing in ourselves, and the accomplishments, we go through it in some point in our lives and will for the rest. So believe in yourselves through the highs and the lows, because we can.

So as many know that I'm not very vocal or shy as some would say. But I don't very much agree with being shy, although I'm not very talkative. But I am open to people I do know well, or with the people I hang out with more often than the kids in class. And that I am different than what some people just see on the outside.

So here are two main things to know about me:

1. Art. I love art. So many creative things pop into my head when I'm anywhere. Although some of my art isn't displayed as much where people can see I'm pretty good if I must say. Portraits is my strongest point. I'm a realistic drawer and I sketch what I see and now what will make my art look "prettier" or more appealing. I believe that through art you can communicate more with the world. And having your own perspectives on different works.

2. Music. I play the piano, not Beethoven status just the basics knowledge of the works. Some songs I like to play are Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven and Prelude in E Minor by Chopin.

I listen to mainly Pop Punk. Bands like Transit, The Wonder Years, This Story so Far, and Title Fight. Some Death-core such as Chelsea Grin, Upon A Burning Body, Emmure, and Iwrestledabearonce. And some Rap & Hip Hop, hard to believe... right? to name a few Tyga, Frank Ocean, Honey Cocaine, French Montana, the ASAP crew, and Odd Future. I'm very open to anything basically.

So my message is not to judge what you see. Get to know the person, you never know who they really are with just a look.

body modifications

So every since 8th grade year I've been asked many times "Did that hurt?", "How long did it take for you to get to that size?", "What are you going to do when your old?" And my answer would always be "Not at the moment but when I had it done and a couple days after it sure did" "A couple months now", & "I'm not going to do anything because I don't and will not regret having them". What I'm referring to are the piercings and stretching of my ear lobes I've been doing for quite some time now. 

Stretched lobes: The process of stretching or increasing the size of your ear lobes with tapers or taping to have a bigger piercing. NOT called gauging.

The two body modifications have been in my life since 2008 and will be in my life for as long as I live. But between then and now I've had a Monroe, tongue, septum, spider & snake bite pierces, and PLUGS not called gauges. And in the process of all that I've had swelling & only once a blowout. Not the best thing to have and pretty disgusting. I've learned new techniques on how to take care of them and how to stretch without having the gross blowouts. But for the past few months I've stretched and downsized so many times that I've lost count, basically because I lose plugs easily and waiting to buy new ones takes some time. Today at the size of 1&3/8 inch, I've decided to stretch up to my goal of 1&3/4inch or possibly 2inches... if I can. 
Sounds quite large but i don't think so, because since I've started each size I get to it seems smaller each time. Not that it's because it's a "new" trend and tons of people have them now, but because it makes me different from other people and makes me who I am. Not a rebellious teenager trying to get attention. I am the total opposite. 
Having body modifications and the society now has made it very difficult to have people understand how different it is for people like me live in world without being an out casted and put on the spot. Such as being in high school and being asked in front of class "Why did you do that to yourself!?", or having jokes made like "Your grand kids will be swinging around with your ears", or people sticking pencils or their fingers through it (not amusing and also very annoying). Or having a summer job and being asked to take the studs out of my piercings and having to take out the plugs also. Ithink one of the biggest challenges of my modifications will be getting a job.  I have a friend who is going into nursing and he had to take out his plugs and close them completely before he starts his training. And as for me and my interest in being in the navy... I can't because of my lobes once again. I guess having a job limits your wants in your life sometimes. Like having certain tattoos it's "frowned upon" in our society.
In the end I'm almost 18 I'd say that it is not a lot for someone my age to have had that many modifications because when you think outside of the small little town we all live in it isn't. Many teenagers I've seen have more metal in their face than I ever had. And the trends will remain and grow with time.
-Go Big or Go Home,

xo.